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kWaJiSwAziMo
pasimuno
Number of posts: 57
Age: 18
saan ka naglalagi?: mapua, house
mga ginagawa mo: pen paper guitar book
brief introduction to yourself: azoxyton 03 07 pakana ng forums
Registration date: 2007-08-24
 |  Subject: swell wth me  25/08/07, 08:19 pm | |
| SWELL WITH ME the dark gray sky covers my life gives no warmth brings no light the dark gray sky renders my song no harmony shown all the love is blown the drak gray sky now starts to try express no ecstasy just pure agony the dark gray sky has broken down with me nowhere to hide soon, our worlds will collide comments please.. |
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trojan_horse
fetus
Number of posts: 15
Age: 18
saan ka naglalagi?: i am everywhere
mga ginagawa mo: internet
brief introduction to yourself: i am a writer. or at least, i like to think that i am one.
Registration date: 2007-08-25
| | Subject: Re: swell wth me 26/08/07, 09:47 am | |
| why is the title swell with me? hey. Admin, i just noticed, you like the word "collide". you've used it pretty often. hehe. what's with it? the poem's ok. i like repetition.
Last edited by on 26/08/07, 01:40 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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kWaJiSwAziMo
pasimuno
Number of posts: 57
Age: 18
saan ka naglalagi?: mapua, house
mga ginagawa mo: pen paper guitar book
brief introduction to yourself: azoxyton 03 07 pakana ng forums
Registration date: 2007-08-24
| | Subject: Re: swell wth me 26/08/07, 12:55 pm | |
|  e di gusto mo ng kantang gin pomelo.. with the word? wala lang.. twice ko pa lang ata nagagamit yan.. tsk.. |
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trojan_horse
fetus
Number of posts: 15
Age: 18
saan ka naglalagi?: i am everywhere
mga ginagawa mo: internet
brief introduction to yourself: i am a writer. or at least, i like to think that i am one.
Registration date: 2007-08-25
| | Subject: Re: swell wth me 26/08/07, 01:42 pm | |
| ok then. hmm, here's a tip, if you're gonna repeat a phrase try to use it in a different sense. i noticed in this one, the phrase "the dark gray sky" has no variations in meaning. |
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kWaJiSwAziMo
pasimuno
Number of posts: 57
Age: 18
saan ka naglalagi?: mapua, house
mga ginagawa mo: pen paper guitar book
brief introduction to yourself: azoxyton 03 07 pakana ng forums
Registration date: 2007-08-24
| | Subject: Re: swell wth me 27/08/07, 06:54 pm | |
| i accept that tip.. teka, i expect deeper comment.. e.g. the sense or the meaning of the poem ( why it was written) the conquest in answering questions why the title is like that and the like.. in both forums, parang wala pa akong nadaanang gantong mga comment.. pero sa isa, medyo kinarne nila.. that's nice.. |
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trojan_horse
fetus
Number of posts: 15
Age: 18
saan ka naglalagi?: i am everywhere
mga ginagawa mo: internet
brief introduction to yourself: i am a writer. or at least, i like to think that i am one.
Registration date: 2007-08-25
| | Subject: Re: swell wth me 27/08/07, 08:22 pm | |
| actually I had a hard time trying to figure out what your poem means. what was your target audience? i was looking for a deeper meaning too. but, well, I didn't really get what you meant connotatively. so there. Also, the last line, what does it mean? had trouble on that one... |
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-'jeypz05'-
kager v 2.0
Number of posts: 858
Age: 18
saan ka naglalagi?: bahay, meycauayan bulacan
mga ginagawa mo: net, guitar, pen and paper, think
brief introduction to yourself: azoxyton0307 member, ce student, mit
Registration date: 2007-07-28
| | Subject: Re: swell wth me 19/09/08, 10:36 am | |
| hihihi.. i actually agree. no sense at all.. hahaha  |
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The best seat is what you have. 
